Let's start it off RIGHT.
TATANKA vs. DAMIAN DEMENTO
Damian Demento hails from the outer reaches of your mind. He's actually kind of neat in this. There's a moment, early on, where Tatanka clotheslines him over the top rope and he lands on his feet on the outside. He immediately starts talking to whatever the hell it is he talks to.
I really dig this match as they get pretty MEATY with each other. Some thick chops. Damian has a beefy lariat that he connects with in order to take control. I haven't seen a lot of Damian Demento, but I'm digging how he works with Tatanka.
I could e wrong but I'm pretty sure a "We Want Flair" chant breaks out at one point. Tatanka hears this and decides it's time to take this sucker home. One Samoan Drop later and it's another win for the undefeated Tatanka.
BRUTUS "THE BARBER" BEEFCAKE RETURNS
We go from one of my faves to one of my least favorite wrestlers ever. Vince gives him a nice intro and he comes down to a pretty good reaction. He's snipping away with those massive shears and all the fans want to do is slap his hands. I thought some one was going to lose a finger, for real. Vince reminds everyone of the para-sailing accident and Brutus tells him that he plans on returning to competition. STRUTTING AND THE CUTTING.
Things get a little somber as Vince questions this dangerous endeavor. To which Brutus, in front of everyone explains that he before the accident he buried his mother and his father, and then his wife left him. The crowd seems to be getting pretty restless with all this, until Brutus explains that the guy who was there when he got out of surgery was THE HULKSTER.
He keeps going on and it feels like the crowd is actually turning on him. When he hits his "pop lines" he gets a mixed reaction and when he leaves he half heartedly slaps hands, wanting to get the hell out of there as quick as possible. It's all really uncomfortable. Horrible segment.
HIGH ENERGY vs."IRON" MIKE SHARPE and VON KRUS
I'm still pissed at Koko for his Royal Rumble shenanigans. But Owen is with him and they've got Mike Sharpe on the other side of the ring, so I'll let it go for now.
This was pretty quick and it's mostly Owen doing all the work. He's so clean and effortless with everything he did in this. High Energy has a neat finish where Owen holds Von Krus like Anvil does for the Hart Attack, and Koko does a top rope drop kick to the guy's face. As the guy is falling Owen goes into a jackknife pin. Pretty nifty. Want more Owen stuff though.
|Looks like a handful of dick, to me, McMahon. Two handfuls.|
Holy Crap is Doink awesome. From the get go Doink was shooting Typhoon's legs and taking him down with ease. He wrestles so well that Vince actually goes into rasslin' mode and is calling the moves like he's Jim Ross or Lance Russell. Pretty wild.
After Doink hits a top rope clothesline he sits on Typhoon and hooks him by the junk. They say it's a handful of tights but.... well just look at the picture.
Overall Doink was pretty awesome and I honestly don't remember that being the case. I just remember him and Dink, Wink, and Pink and me fast forwarding through it. Now I want to see him and Lawler mix it up. I'm also a little sad that Typhoon is jobbing out to the clown. He got pretty much owned in this match, and I've always kind of dug him. Guess he's on his way out like Boss Man.
I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.
Fink is in the ring and says that last week a Legend passed away. It was Andre. I didn't realize this was coming and I forgot that this was when it happened. They do the "Ten Bell Salute" while they play a montage of Andre pictures.
I guess I'll take this moment to say that Andre has always had a special place in my heart. When I was a kid, I grew really fast. Eventually I leveled off and am just a regular height, but when I was a kid I was 5 ft. tall in 2nd grade, and was taller than everyone in my grade school including the teachers and staff by 6th grade. Doctors thought I was going to be enormous, but, like I said, my growth slowed down and I evened out. During those years that I was a giant kid, Andre was some one I looked up to. I was never a Hogan guy and I was actually hoping Andre would drop the Hulkster at Wrestlemania III.
Personally, I can't think of another figure in history that personifies PRO WRESTLING like Andre the Giant does. He may not have been the best wrestler, but to me he totally embodies it.
|Unreleased stills from "Weekend At Bernie's 3".|
Interesting bit of rewriting history done before the match. Savage puts over Yoko saying that he was the last man with him in the Rumble and Yoko tossed him over the top rope. Rob Bartlett responds by saying "Yeah but you knocked him down. You're the first guy to do that." Vince interjects "I don't think so. No one has done that yet."
Yoko dominates this match and during the whole thing Jim Duggan is on the phone getting fired up about his challenge to the sumo-monster. Yoko is just a beast, during this and truly the most imposing force in the company.
MONEY INC. RESPOND TO BEEFCAKE
DiBiase cuts a super promo on Beefcake and his sob story. I mean it's pretty freaking awesome. They say that they're going to take him out. DiBiase and IRS flip a coin to determine which one gets to beat him up and Ted wins. Jimmy hart comes out and tells them this is silly and a poor business decision. I love Jimmy Hart. He's always talking about looking over contracts and determining challengers like he a boxing manager or something. It's awesome. They're planting a little seed of dissent between Money Inc. and Jimmy, and who knows where that's leading....brother.
"THE NARCISSIST" LEX LUGER vs. JASON KNIGHT
Couple of things before the match.
|What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.|
2)They cut to the infamous Mr. Perfect vignette of him throwing footballs with Vikings Tight End Steve Jordan. It's the one where he throws himself a touchdown. PERFECT.
As for the match....JASON KNIGHT! It's kind of awesome that THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE is facing the Narcissist on RAW. Luger just beats the crap out of him and Jason bumps great for him. There's a collection of Luger fans in the arena bowing to him and carrying a TOTAL PACKAGE sign. Luger just punches Jason out and pins him with his PINKY. After the match he gives him a giant swing. Luger looks to be having tons of fun with this and I love it. Why would they turn this guy face? It's perfect.
OVERALL SHOW: Not the best stuff. Bartlett was a non-factor. He mostly stayed quiet and would come in with some "zinger" that got no reaction from Vince. Like "I've figured out the mystery! Demento is Ruth Buzzi's son!" Thanks for that amazing gem, Rob.
Some decent squash matches from guys like Luger and Yoko. The Doink match has kind of opened my eyes to his ability. By far the most awkward story is the Beefcake stuff, and next week we're getting more.
NEXT WEEK: Beefcake vs. Ted DiBiase and a 16 Man Battle Royal......YAY.