Friday, February 25, 2011

THE NEW GENERATION ERA PROJECT: RAW REVIEW WEEK 7

March, 1 1993

Let's start this off right, with Bret Hart's FIRST match on RAW ever.

BRET "HITMAN" HART vs. FATU
DAMN IT. Rob Bartlett is dressed as Elvis and won't shut the hell up. He's trying to ruin this moment for me but I won't let him. I won't.
Bret tries to play cute with his arm bar work. Every time Fatu gets wild, Bret armdrags him and locks on an arm bar. Eventually he messes up and slams Fatu's head into the canvas. Since Fatu is Samoan he pops up and kicks Bret in the face. Bret tries to go back to what worked before, but Fatu is wise to it now and takes over. And when things couldn't get any worse, Samu shows up and beats his ass on the outside while the ref is chatting with Afa about drapes. This deck is stacked I tell you.

The story is pretty good and Bret kind of wraps up everything in one neat bow at the end. Samu gets his head hung up in the ropes. That distracting Afa gets dropkicked off the apron. And Fatu taps to the Sharpshooter. It's like if a Spider-Man comic was a wrestling match.

MEAN GENE WITH THE WRESTLEMANIA REPORT
Let me tell you what's awesome. The music during the Mania reports. You know the music. I know you know. It gets me so damn pumped to watch wrestling I'm not kidding. It turns me into a kid and makes me HAVE to watch a Pay-Per-View

KOKO B. WARE vs. DOINK THE CLOWN
Don't worry Koko, Frankie has a pint of Rocky Road Ice Cream waiting.
Holy crap. Koko gets OWNED. It's sad. Doink gets it in his head that he wants to get a submission off a leg hold and just stays on it until he he gets it. Koko tries to fight back and kick the clown off but Doink just laughs at him and keeps going. He eventually gives him a neck breaker to quiet him down so he can get the sub. It's fantastic.

It's also fun to listen to Vince sell Doink as an amazing wrestler. We've go Vince McMahon, who has tried to eliminate the word from the company all together, selling a guy, who is Prime example if gimmicky sports entertainment, as an amazing wrestler. Tremendous.

ROB BARTLETT MEETS DOINK
Bartlett, doing his Elvis act, interviews Doink. Doink has a box with some pies. He gives a little one to Bartlett and then pastes him with a bigger one. Bartlett, no sells it and says "This tastes great. You're a funny clown." I wish that pie was made of metal spikes.

MONEY INC RESPONDS TO THE MEGA MANIACS
DiBiase crushes another promo and talks about how soft Hogan is now that he's all Hollywood, and how Beefcake is the weak link. Irwin then refers to his briefcase that he nailed Brutus with: THE BEEFCASE. I love it. They accept the challenge for Wrestlemania and put the titles on the line. Good solid stuff from the champions

LEX LUGER vs. PJ WALKER
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Justin Credible w/ hair looks like Jerry Seinfield. It's like this match is Lex Luger wandering around taunting people and PJ keeps getting in the way of his boot. Luger is great at being a non-chalant dick and Credible is good at flopping around. So it's a good use of both guys.
That's not just the coolest. That's not just the best. That's just my pinky. BITCH.
After the match Lex, takes Credible outside the ring and puts him in front of the mirror so he can see how big of a freaking loser he is compared to Total Package.


THE STEINERS vs. DUANE (Gillberg) GILL and BARRY HARDY
I don't even know if I want to talk about the match. You know what happens here. I mean....look at these guys:
The one on the right gets his dick rammed into the top turnbuckle by Rick. Hard.
Steiners go through like 70 percent of their move set on these poor bastards. Then Scott bangs everyone's mom. 

OVERALL SHOW: Really fun show. It's so cool to see certain people and know what they'd go on to do later. Like Rikishi working with Bret, Credible working with Luger, and Gillberg getting his ass worked by Big Poppa Pump. Bret/Fatu was good and worth checking out. And the squashes were fun in general. Definitely one of the better episodes despite Rob Bartlett working overtime to ruin it.

I find it weird that nearly every match on the Mania card has a story going for it except Bret/Yoko. They haven't really confronted each other yet.

NEXT WEEK
We're getting Money Inc. vs. Virgil and Tito Santana(awesome) and Mr. Perfect vs. Rick Martel(Two former AWA Heavyweight Champions). So imagine next week is going to be pretty damn cool. I'm going to wager Tito gets pinned next week. We'll see if I'm right.

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